Malik Life Choices

2005-09-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

THTS IT PEOPLE...A new life, a new way and hopefully a new aim for my life. My new blog is www.malikmoment.blogspot.com i love you all...HAHA..look i've changed usually i'll say 'i love her' but NOW I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

2005-09-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

Back from Aikido training, sweating and tired I made my way through the crowded area. My mind was away thinking about Penny Sensei advice about my poorly executed Suwari Waza Shomenuchi Ikkyo, too engross with myself I banged on someone. After giving a quick apology to him, my head instinctively looked to my right and I saw you. I felt a sharp ache, I saw you with someone. I’ve been to so many places in my life and time. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions. I’ve acted out my life in stages with ten-thousand people watching but since you’re reading this now let me tell you, I know the image of the guy of your dreams is what I hope to be. I’ve treated rudely and unkindly to you but girl can’t you see there’s no one more important to me. So girl can’t you see through me because you’re reading this now and it is what I always wanted to tell you. Now I am so much better now, but if my words don’t come together fell it in this cause my love my love in here hiding. I love you in a place where there is no space for time, I love you for my life cause you’re a friend of mine. When my life is nearly over I will remember you; I fell in love with YOU all my life,my first love. I know that you’re in love with him cause I saw you by the way you looked at him, so I hope you two last. You look happier than before. I will always be here.

Cuts

2005-07-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

The blade reflected what little light made available to it. It seems to glow in my dark room. Gently I slide it on my arm going side to side and I stopped for a moment. I've reaching my palm where my life vain was. Should I just cut it? I thought for a moment. Maybe if I did, at least maybe I’ll see her someday in the hospital or maybe she will at least be at my funeral. The thought hurt my heart and tears fell and hurt my wound. The pain was unburnable suddenly my sister came in and I hastily cleaned the wound and blood. The next day while I was attending aikido, master saw my cuts and heh got lectured for an hour. She just doesn’t know how important she is to me. I’ll kill myself to see her.

Diamond

2005-07-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

Sweat entered my eyes, its salty content sting my eyes as I ran around the school compound. I was exhausted due to the interminable 2.4 km run, the nagging pain poked my stomach forcing me to slow down to a walk. Tired and in pain I nearly gave in but my mind urge me on. I fully understood walk now and end the temporary pain yet face the same pain that will bring me down another day or bear with it and pass. I was debating with myself and finally I came to a conclusion I was going to run and pass this run. I cleared my mind and ran ignoring the piercing pain. I passed my test and a lesson learned about life. Never give in no matter how painful, diamonds are coal that done well under great pressure so be a diamond.

Problems

2005-07-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

People say life is hard. I'll say people make life hard. Hey, whats life without its myriad of problems. I told you if you're really the one I'll meet you out there someday. I has promised you even though the phoenix wings are broken I still come to you when you call me. You're up high while I am just an NA stayback student with his crazy dreams. The sun don't meet the moon I say well I stand corrected, they do meet and the world turns dark when they do because they turn their back at the mortals who say their meeting was impossible but there it is infromt of their sights. It's just not our time. My arms won't free you nor my heart

Malik sad....

2005-07-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hmm...its useless...just like i said you just don't want to make it happen just because of some other fucking guys...I am really not like them...forget it....

My love

2005-06-17T04:31:00.000-07:00

I am lost. It is very sad, I have been waiting for so long yet my efforts goes reticent. Four years long have I been waiting to call you 'darling' and for once squeeze you hand tight but it was not meant to be.Just like the moon ever chasing the sun to only find her no longer in the skies. It was not meant to be because you never wanted it to be. Everday after our interminable chat with each other, I poison my mind assuring myself we could move on closer but just like I said, you never wanted it to be. You need not say anything, just let my heart be. I love you but how long can i be the moon ?

The one

2005-06-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

I can’t forget you… I can't take it...I can't forget you, I told you you're the one. I tried calling you but…. I am devastated… Why do you… Sorry I just can’t go on…

I am lost in the ocean..

2005-05-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

The stress level was high and the melody of Michael Buble was there to smooth the friction but suddenly I had to just stop my work, the song was hurting my heart like knife impaled to it and tears begun to swell. '...more lost without you and so it goes, can you imagine how much I love you, the more I see you as the years go by,I know the only one for me can only be you,my arms won't free you and my heart won't try.' I was angry with myself..how could I allow myself to cry. It's a symbol of weakness right ? I find myself debting with my mind didn't prophet Muhammad said that a man that did not cry is made of stone...This is stupid...Why the FUCK do I care. Why the GOD DAMN FUCK. I hate music..I hate Michael Buble. I cant forget you, I miss you and most important of all I need you. Why you doing this to me...Why ? I am not desperate to have a girl friend;I am desperate to be with the girl I love...

Troubled Waters

2005-05-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

The cold blade was brought near my arm. I wanted to slice it down my flesh just like I had done previously giving me a short while to forget aboyt her and my troubles. It seems as my blood flowed out gently so does my worries and trouble ebbed away but the satisfaction lasted for awhile and soon afterwards the troubling thoughts return as though resurrected from death. That night I wanted to cut myslef but reality and fact slapped me in the face. Why should I hurt myself when I wanted to help her with her self abuse too ? Why stress myself out with thinking when will she love me when true love waits. I love you girl and I'll wait. God I'm doing all I can to be a better man.

The shining hope

2005-05-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

I am scared. ‘N’ level is coming and I am dead scared. What if history repeats itself? The terrorizing fear stresses me out. The knowledge of being left out adds on the stress making it into a onerous headache when I study. A plenty of times how I wished that I could mend the errors of the past but alas going back to time is unheard off. The fog of hopelessness surrounds me intriguing to make me give in but there was always this ray, a ray of hope that ushers me on up the path guiding me, numerous obstacles has it accompanied me and now together we come to face the oncoming ‘N’ levels. While bracing myself for it I somehow manage to get a glimpse of the path ahead. It was forked into different other pathways each had different brightness ahead and obstacles too but what is this? I stood still to ponder and pondered I did. Its path grows brighter up ahead but it had many different hard obstacles laden on its path. I had to squint my eyes due to the brightness and finally I nodded to myself in self-agreement it was the path leading to Junior college. The very path that will bring me back to the track atleast with those in Polytechnic and ITE. The path that will make me a leader. A path that will redeem myself in the eyes of plenty. I must try but first ‘N’ levels.

The river currents

2005-05-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

It is a race against time as I try to push my subjects at it’s very best standard. I have no time to spare in relaxation after the prelims for ‘N’ level gets even closer. After much pondering I have finally found the reason of my academic failure all my life. I was not consistent in revision only leaving it at the very last hours of the night before an examination and worst still I only bother to study subjects that only best interest me. The main cause of my failure is laziness. Now that I had finally found my weakness, I believe my chance of success has increased by half. As a profound Chinese general said ‘Knowing your weakness increases success in battle by half.’ I am not stupid you know I am just plain lazy that’s all. By the way after ‘N’ level hopefully my parents allow me to go to that violin class at Yamaha which I wanted so much.

Winding river

2005-05-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a winding river from Loyang Primary to Pasir Ris Crest Seconday then the river of destiny suddenly brought me to Chai Chee Secondary School never had i expected that i will end up there. 'Ah..the examination hall we meet again' that was my chief thought as I walked into the hall full of students readying themselves for the examination. I will not controvert that sometimes I feel like giving up and just pack my bags and go straight to ITE but often my dreams would usher me on. Do not get me wrong I am not looking down at ITE like the other fools do but it’s just not what I am, I cannot spent my times with tools I will die in boredom. Anyway, quite confident that I will pass my humanities and english but a good pass I am not sure.

Introduction

2005-04-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

My name is Malik Mazlan. A name given by a father with a hope that one day his son will be a leader thus the name ‘Malik carries the meaning Ruler. People who bear this name are said to posses great leadership qualities but I’ll let you be the judge. I was born on a stormy 10 November 1988 night at Kadang Kerbau Hospital the same date Ludwig Van Beethoven famous piece ‘Emperor’ was played (10 November 1811) was played for the very first time who knows maybe that a sign of what maybe become of me and what do you know a Scorpio according to the horoscope a great leader. Who Knows? I was a former student of Pasir Ris Crest there I spend an entire 4 memorable years but alas I could not continue another year there because of failure to grab enough points to go on to do my O levels driven by shame and regret I decided to start afresh at Chai Chee Secondary. I owe Chai Chee secondary a lot she not only accepted me when all other schools reject me yet again she made me a student leader, I know some of you heard me insulting her but deep down I really do not mean it. It is just the love of Pasir Ris Crest that made me say that, I am truly sorry if I offended you at any way but when I love someone or something I tend to go overboard. My family consist of 4 people, my dad a hard working civil servant is skillful in his art, my mum a hairdresser and entrepreneur is constantly concern of my sister and my affairs but she just love us that’s all and my sister a student in Millennia Institution strives hard to be admitted to National University of Singapore. How about me you ask? Well, I am really I unsure of myself but I would like to be incharge hahha. Well that is enough of me. I hope you would read my entries and enjoy it. The life of Malik Bin Mazlan.